The Father Wound

Little Billy’s mother was always telling him exactly what he was allowed to do and what he was not allowed to do. All the things he was allowed to do were boring. All the things he was not allowed to do were exciting. One of the things he was NEVER NEVER allowed to do, the most exciting of them all, was to go out through the garden gate all by himself and explore the world beyond. —ROALD DAHL, THE MINPINS

Every boy, in his journey to become a man, takes an arrow in the center of his heart, in the place of his strength. Because the wound is rarely discussed and even more rarely healed, every man carries a wound. And the wound is nearly always given by his father. John Eldredge.

The Father wound happens when the boys strength not is encouraged och even surpressed. The father wound is something every boy or man carries since the first father of all Adam when he in the day of great challenge let Eva down. He did not stand up with his strength for what he knew was right. The father wound is that the boy gets belittled by his dad or another man that he did have as a masculine role model. A man who does not acknowledged his strength or power.

The masculine wants to feel string and powerful. The boy and man wants to feel acknowledged for his accomplishments and that his mission matters for a higher purpose.
Physical violence
A violent father teaches the boy that his strength does not serve him and does not protect him. You are not strong you are not worthy you are useless.
Mental violence
Throw suppression of the boys strength. By questioning him and by making him feel inappropriate. Silent questioning, ignorance. By not getting the chance. By belittling names. My little cute pie. Moms little heart.
Ignorance
By not being seen or given the chance. Lack of initiation and guidance how to use this power that is within.

Usually the father wound happens when the boy is separating from his attachment with mother and looks for his father for guidance. In all to many cases the father is not there to initiate the young man.

The father wound often appear in  men by becoming achievers. This to be recognized by their father as good enought. The belief can be i am not good enough. I do not have the power to create or to make change in my life or in someone else’s.

What young men need is to be acknowledge for their strength, wildness and power. Even Jesus needed to hear those w ords of affirmation from his Father. After he is baptized in the Jordan, before the brutal attack on his identity in the w ilderness, his Father speaks: “You are my Son, w hom I love; w ith you I am w ell pleased” (Luke 3:22). In other words, “Jesus, I am deeply proud of you; you have w hat it takes.” – Wild at Heart

“The traditional way of raising sons, which lasted for thousands and thousands of years, amounted to fathers and sons living in close—murderously close—proximity, while the father taught the son a trade: perhaps farming or carpentry or blacksmithing or tailoring. Fathers and sons in most tribal cultures live in an amused tolerance of each other- Robert Bly,

Every wound, whether it’s assaultive or passive, delivers with it a message. The message feels final and true, absolutely true, because it is delivered w ith such force. Our reaction to it shapes our personality in very significant w ays. From that flow s the false self. Most of the men you meet are living out a false self, a pose, w hich is directly related to his w ound. Let me try to make this clear. The message delivered with my wound (my father disappearing into his ow n battles) w as simply this: You are on your own, John. There is no one in your corner, no one to show you the way and above all, no one to tell you if you are or are not a man. The core question of your soul has no answer, and can never get one. What does a boy do with that? – John Eldrege

Healing the Father wound

1. Recognize it

• -Define it
• -Grief for what has been put upon you without your choose.
• -Separate what has been your responsibility and not then and now.
• -Identify your beliefs you learnt from your father wound.

2. Forgive 

• Extend grace to your earthly father for all the imperfections he has.  Forgive him for every pain he has caused you.  Say it out loud.  Cry if you need to cry.

3. Reinvent your beliefs and rituals 

• -Reinvent your  beliefs with your awaken  conscious mind.
• -Reinforce beliefs daily
• -make daily ritual acting out of your new belief of power and strength.

4. Gifts

In your deepest wounds lies your true gift. What have you learnt from your fight from you journey living with the beliefs of your father wound and now healing it. Now when you are living from your own created beliefs how do you turn that in to a gift for your self and others?

5. Healing the father wound

What suffering?
What gifts
The desire of the masculine
The masculine is the never ever changing. The masculine wants to be strong and powerful. The masculine wants to feel the power of the hero. -I can do it. At any time we do not have this belief we belittle our power. The masculine searches for freedom of constraint Where did you learn this?